i remember how you looked at me, and the fire in your eyes burned down the fear in mine
i remember how you touched me, and the way your steady hand stopped the shaking of my whole body
i remember wondering if the feeling of wanting to throw up would ever go away, i remember hoping it didn’t

my mama taught me the difference between good and bad, but she never taught me that bad could look so good and so when you walked in to that room i couldn’t have stopped myself from falling in love with you even if i had wanted to

and god i wish mama had warned me that yes, a beautiful butterfly you may have looked like, but a black widow was what you were
for i tried to believe that you were simple, small, easy to escape from, but no, you were danger and you were poison and shit did it taste sweet
and a fool i was to think your fires hadn’t burned down many forests before, to think that you were reaching for my heart, and not merely for my chest
an idiot to think that you liked hearing all my poems, not just the ones i wrote about you
a joke to think that you loved me, when really all you loved was knowing you had the power to build me up into a skyscraper and in the same beat destroy me into nothing but a pile of ash
black widow, you were death’s kiss wrapped up in one body but death looked so welcoming sitting sweetly upon your lips
and shit yes I should’ve known, I should’ve seen, I should’ve felt it was all in my head
but you showed me the scar you had on your lower back and on the days where it got windy you told me how the only thing you had was your web, and how what if one day it was all gone
and i guess those were all nights spent spouting words we didn’t mean, but that’s a lie, because god did i mean them
and those in turn were all followed by the days spent pretending we didn’t feel anything, and that’s not a lie, because god of course you didn’t feel shit
and what im left with in the end is a mixtape, and all the tracks are me asking ‘how the fuck did i get this fucking deep’
and the memories, all of which i collected only to pack them in a suitcase and burn them in a flame that looked a lot like the one that swallowed me whole
and what a hypocrite i became, because for the heartbreak i felt, i broke ten others in return
how pathetic because now im black widow for him, for her, for everyone and now i know how much a simple fly like me meant to not so simple spider you
so how did i get this fucking deep
well i was a mere fly caught in a widow’s trap, and your web was home to you, but you were more than home to me
see, i was just your next meal but you were the only thing i ever wanted to taste
and i wasn’t even close to the end of where you were beginning, but oh god you were the beginning of my end you were everything all at once and i was so much less than nothing
and my name would never have passed through your mind, but your face was the last thing i saw before i died